“Failure is a stepping stone to success. Let it refine you not define you.”
Failure is defined as a lack of success, feeling defeated or a state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective. That definition is frightening to most of us, at least to me it is. It’s scary to fail. I’m afraid of it and most of us are. In the words of best-selling author Jon Gordon, “Failure is not meant to be final and fatal. It is not meant to define you. It is meant to refine you to be all that you are and meant to be.”
We are scared of failure because we are striving to be perfect. We are striving to be free or as free as possible from all flaws. We want to be perfect at the things we are passionate about. Whether its our career, our marriage, our school work or a sport that we love. No one wants to strive to be average, we want perfection. But aiming for perfection will only lead to disappointment. Because we are going to make mistakes. The most highly successful people commit mistakes. There is no point in fearing it because they are essential to your growth as an individual. Flaws and mistakes do not define you. It is how you learn from it that will determine the level of success that you could attain.
In an interview back in 2013 with LeBron James he give his thoughts on what made Michael Jordan so successful. He goes on to say “MJ wasn’t perfect. He had bad games. He committed turnovers. He had games where he felt like he should’ve done better. But I think the greatest thing about MJ was that he wasn’t afraid to fail. And I think that’s why he succeeded so much. He was never afraid of what anybody ever said about him. Never afraid to miss the game winning shot. Never afraid to turn the ball over. Never Afraid!”
When you are afraid you hesitate. You adjust the natural flow of things. You second guess yourself, your strength, your knowledge and your hardworking. Everything becomes in question when you are afraid. Knowing that failure is ok allows the fear to fade away. It allows you to make mistakes and be okay with it. It allows you to make mistakes and keep your head held high knowing that it is part of being successful. Failure and mistakes are ok! So, go out there and fail. Go out there and make mistakes. Go out there and let the fear go. Strive to be successful not for perfection. Fail but don’t be afraid. Make mistakes. And know that you are building a successful individual along the way.
Stay positive my friends!
Today I had a conversation with a couple young girls about haters and why they hate you or why they hate what you have. Haters hate you because they don’t have what you want. It’s not that they can’t have what you have but they don’t want to work for it. They just want it handed to them. In my eyes all a hater sees is your success. What they fail to see is what it took you to become successful. They don’t see the hundreds of time you have failed x 100. They don’t see the extra hours of work you put in when no ones looking. They don’t see the nights you may have cried yourself to sleep because you failed so many times and don’t believe you will ever make it. They don’t see you pick yourself up after failing and fail again. They don’t see all the times you turn down your friends to go do stuff so that you can work on your craft. What they see is your success and they want that. But until they put in the work that you have and failed over and over and over again they will just always be haters. Embrace the haters because haters make you want to be more successful. They are fuel for your fire. Haters are always going to hate. Let them spend time hating while you are spending time getting better. But don’t stop putting in the work after you have become successful because those that do fall even harder. You are going to fail multiple times in your life. It is a learning lesson and is a must to make you better. So keep your head up, keep putting in the work, keep getting stronger and keep failing no matter who hates. And remember, “hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard!”
Stay positive my friends.
If you have ever been around me when I am coaching, you already know that I’m a rah rah coach. I’m extremely positive even when the occasion is otherwise. I use cliches’ saying on the regular. I am quote type of coach. I believe that positive thoughts create positive action. I do not focus on winning, never have and never will. I focus on improving. Improving is wining in my eyes and improving leads to winning. I love to win but in my eyes and experience if all you do is coach winning and focus only on winning you aren’t winning. The focus of improving and making a young athlete feel good about what they are learning and doing, is what it is about for me. I want them to feel the pressure but not so much pressure that they are scared to screw up or make mistake. I want them to make mistakes. Mistakes make us a better person and a better player. We learn from those mistakes. If I can make my athletes believe in themselves and believe in what I am saying, they are bound to improve and we are bound to win. Improving is winning to me not the final score.
Stay positive my friends.
Today I had the opportunity to talk to a young man about the action we take today come with consequences tomorrow. That because at the time it seems and feels like the right thing to do or everyone else is doing it,then I should do it. This isn't the mindset that comes with success. Stop and think about what you are about to do before you do it. How long will this action cost me? Will this have a negative effect or a positive affect on my future? If I do this and it's not the right thing, who am I letting down? Not just myself but my family, my friends and others that care about me. Quick reactions can cost you. You have a gut feeling that it isn't right, don't do it.
Do not surround yourself with people that have an negative attitude or bring a negative attitude into every situation. Get attached to those who care about you, who bring positive energy and want to see you succeed. Let those people light your torch. Keep your head high and learn from your mistakes and failures.
No matter where you are in life, if you want to change, you will find a way. 25, 35, 45, the age doesn't matter. If you want change, make it happen. It will be hard, it will be a struggle. You will have to work harder than those already working hard. You will have those people who don't want to see you succeed try to bring you down. You will fail, I promise! But failure isn't a brick wall that is stopping you from succeeding. It is a stepping stone to your success. Don't let that failure bring you down, Let it fuel your future!
Stay positive my friends!
Here is what I have come to realize from my experiences and learning from others about “making it.”
When you feel you have become great or feel you are on top of your industry or sport or you feel you have “made it” you must stay humble! You must remember the hard work it took to get there, the everyday grind, every practice, every meeting, every early morning or late night, your work ethic. When you get to the point that you feel you have “made it” that’s actually where it all begins. If you think you can change your work ethic, change your hustle, change your grind or your mindset and still remain at the top, you’re wrong! You have to hustle more, work harder, practice longer, work longer and grind more than you ever did. Once you get complacent and let your accomplishments become bigger than you are, once you forget about what it took to get there and you start allowing yourself to slack because you “made it” that’s when you lose it all. That’s when it all starts falling apart and all those years of hard work are gone and you are back to where you started. Don’t fall victim to the mindset of I “made it.”
That leaves me with one last point. Don’t forget who helped you get there. Your family, your coaches, your leaders, your teachers, your mentors, your friends and the faith that you believe in. If you work hard at what you are passionate about, you will “MAKE IT!” #begrateful
Stay humble my friends!
As I sit here after a sporting event I attended today, I reflect on some of the things that caught my attention.
A team is built like one unit, the unit depends on each other to do their part, to support each other at no cost, win or lose. If you don’t do your part it hurts the team. If you don’t give your all it hurts the team. With that said, if you are a team member who plays the blame game because a mistake is made or your team didn’t win, you are as bad as the team member who didn’t do their part. Under no circumstances should you gather around other teammates and blame another teammate and think that is going to make your team or the other teammate stronger. You should be supporting each other and talking among yourselves about what went wrong and what you can do to get better. Playing the blame game only pulls the team further apart, when you should be coming together as one. Pick your head up, support each other and move on to the things that are going to make you a better team and teammate. By no means am I saying don’t be disappointment but by all means I am saying do not play the blame game, ever. Be a great teammate.
On the other end, if you commit to be part of the team, then you should commit 100% of yourself, 100% of the time, no matter if you are last or first. Value yourself and the other teammates who have fully committed themselves to you and the team.
And then there is this…
If you have committed 100% of yourself, for yourself and for the team, then there is nothing else you can ask for. Win or lose, be proud of yourself and do NOT let others bring you down. Let the things that matter, matter. Let all the other stuff role off your shoulders. Keep building yourself to make yourself and your team better. STAY 100% COMMITTED. It’s worth it, I promise!
As adults that are put into positions that allow us to be around young men and women, it is our responsibility to protect them from not only the things that they can do to hurt themselves but also from people who may be a bad influence on them, lead them down the wrong path or maybe even hurt them. It is our responsibility to be the responsible one and make the responsible choices that keep them safe. We can do all we can do to protect them and things are still going to happen, its just the way it is. But what we can do is, not set them up for possible failure. We can’t put adults in positions that they don’t deserve or have not earned or who have showed that they can’t handle the responsibility of protecting our youth. The youth of this world is at risk everyday because of all the evil that lies and waits to attack or influence them in the wrong way. We must keep them from this evil, allow it not to associate with them. We must not bring it into our community, into their lives. We must give them a fighting chance to make it and feel protected, so that they can focus on the things that matter the most to them right now. Them! Their education! Their innocence! Their life!
As an adult who is honored to be put into one of these positions and as a dad of two young children, I take this very seriously. I get worked up and a little emotional when I talk about this because I am very passionate about it. I take my leadership role around youth, pretty serious. I probably protect the kids around me more than I should but I would rather over protect them, then allow a single thing to hurt them, mistreat them or lead them astray.
This is my responsibility, this is our responsibility as adults.
We owe this to them.